How to Save Marriage - 5 Mistakes to Avoid

Breakups happen to most of us, for some it happens regularly and for some it happens rarely. Why do we tend to have breakups? Breakups happens because we leave issues unaddressed. Whenever there is a small bump in the road we tend to ignore it, when there is a small argument we tend to brush it off afterwards. Little do we know these things accumulate and will get bigger and bigger. 

Like a bacterial culture it grows and grows until it gets out of hand and then we try to kill it off with antibiotics. It is much better if we activate the white blood cells early on and nip it in the bud. Most marriages carry these irritants until the end of life or until there is a divorce. It does not need to be this way, your marriage just needs a different attitude. Lets take look at the five issues that happens to all of us.

Projection

Basically you think your partner is a certain way, but he/she may or may not be that certain way. To you it is, because it is an image you hold and project on to your partner. Because you think it is therefore it is a fact, by asserting that it is a fact you essentially put a "lock" on your partner, and your partner cannot behave any other way because you have effectively imprisoned him/her. By continuing to hold that view you have imprisoned yourself also, because a prison guard has to watch over the prisoner and he is not free himself. 

The remedy is very simple - just give up your concept. Easier said than done of course but you have to keep brain washing yourself that it is not so. Once you have done it the relief is immense.

Criticism

Once you have projected the you would criticize the person whom you have projected on to. Of course you know that criticism is useless because the other person will just continue to be that way. If you don't remove your projection your partner will not change. 

On the other hand when you are being criticized you will naturally fight back, and it will result in a big altercation. Know that criticism is because your partner has projected on you, so you will let it slide. Explain if you can, in a calm way, but it probably will have no effect on your partner's projection. It really does not matter, if you make a issue of it then you are in agreement with you partner about the projection.

Whenever you want to criticize your partner know that you are projecting, and everything that follows will bring only bad results. So what to do if your partner keeps on doing things that irritates you? Realize it does not matter, it is not important. It is your projection that bothers you, give it up and look at your partner with fresh eyes. I think you will like what you see.

Vigilance

When you first fall in love everything is golden. Your partner is perfect and you admire everything about him/her. Then gradually as time passes by small imperfections begin to show up. And then they would grow larger and larger. Then you would "remind" you partner about it, and your partner does not like what you have to say. Then you partner will "give back" by pointing out your imperfections. 

These goings back and forth give rise to vigilance. You will sharpen your awareness of your partner's imperfections and your partner does the same. Whenever these faults appear you will point it out, and your partner will do his/her part to point things out to you too. 

And your relationship starts to go downhill, fights are more frequent until eventually you have a breakup. And it needs not to be this way! You were clueless before but your are not clueless now. Take steps to reverse the "trend". Don't look for faults anymore, look for the nice things that your partner did to you, and you do good things in return. Before you know it your relationship will be flying sky high.

Secrets

This is a very dangerous and most underestimated aspect of a relationship. If one of you is cheating you must stop immediately, or your relationship will go on the rocks very soon. This is a very sure way to destroy a relationship.

There are other kind of secrets as well, if your partner finds out you have been holding a secret he/she will be madder than hell. If you have a secret either stop doing it or tell your partner about it. There is no other way. Don't wait until it gets out in the open.

Inattentiveness

Whenever you hear a complain or nag from your partner, what do you do? Usually just in one ear and out another ear. You just couldn't be bothered. Do you know that score is kept? Every time you ignore a complaint you have a negative score added on to your already very negative score. When the numbers get so large your partner would just walk out on you, because your partner cannot put up with it any more. And you wonder why you have broken up.

In order for the relationship to go well you must address the issues as they come out, don't leave things over night or they will go bad. This is the real secret of maintaining a good relationship, if you earnestly try your best your partner would not fault you. 

But you have already broke up, what to do now? You are no longer totally ignorant, you have a foundation to go on. Find out your mistakes and draw up an action plan. Don't know how? Don't worry - Click Here for the Marriage Fitness system, which will give you a step by step action plan.