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I Love You But I Am Not In Love With You“I love you, but I’m not in love with you?” You have heard that before. But if it is your partner that say it to you than it raises a flag in your marriage. So why did your spouse say that? It is a sure sign that the flame is dying out. The excitement has died down and it now down to the day-to-day routine. Is there a difference between “love you” and “in love with you”? Actually neither of them is representative of real love. The former means I care about you, and the latter means I am excited about you. Make no mistake, there is nothing wrong with caring about a person, caring means concern. Take an example, you may care about hungry children in Ethiopia, but that doesn’t mean you love them. Caring is a good thing, but don’t confuse that with love. If you are excited about a person you are having a good experience. But it is not love. If you have a relationship with a movie star or any idol, you may feel excited, but that doesn’t mean you have love for them. So if you are told, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you”, it means your partner is confused about what love really is. Your spouse is trying to differentiate between different kinds loves. And that is where marital problems may arise, and some may even have affairs to find “love” again. The real meaning of love is taking action; it is not a feeling – whether it is care or excitement. It is the things you do for another person and the experience you receive as a result of it. Doing these things are not a mystery, love is not a secret. There are definite things you can do in your marriage with your partner to build love. There are laws governing the universe, relationships are no different, which is to say – relationships have laws too. Just as there are laws for health, eating the right foods, doing the right exercises. So if you do the right things for your marriage, your marriage will become stronger. It is just simple action and result; it is just a matter of knowing the laws and applying them. For the laws I have crafted the Marriage Fitness program, it is a easy to follow system. All you have to do is take the steps one by one and love in the marriage will be maintained. The beauty of the program is that it works even if only one party work on it, and it will work in any marriage. During my phone sessions, very often a person will say “I love my husband/wife, but I am not in love with my husband/wife”. Immediately I will ask, “ For the past week can you list 5 things that you have done that will demonstrate your love for your husband/wife?” Then on the other end I will sense hesitation, and then I will hear some incoherent babble. Sometime I will hear dead silence, but never do I get real answers that I expect … may be I don’t expect them at all! “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” is really a cop out. What it means is that the person in question has no clue as to how to make a lasting relationship for the long term. The person may be even be looking for a short-term romance so as to get excitement again. But no matter, eventually the person will hear the dreaded phrase - “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” If you do hear that phrase, and if you want to hear “OK, let’s us give this another shot”, the path will be a little tricky. You will have to take this strategically. A mistake would severely jeopardize your marriage. However if you take the right steps, your partner will be drawn in and the restoration of your marriage can proceed. How is that done? You can find out more about the Marriage Fitness system and about relationship renewal. Just subscribe to my FREE report “7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage” and get my FREE marriage assessment. CLICK HERE to subscribe. It’s FREE. Warm regards, Mort Fertel |
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