The Root Cause of Relationship Problems

You would think that relationship problems are many and varied. If you would write them down it would fill volumes. And every day people everywhere will come up with new ones. New ones that are stranger than you can imagine.

With billions of people in the world it would seem that the problems would number in the billions. Since each person is unique, and has a unique viewpoint. What one would see as a problem another would see it as a blessing. With all this complexity is it possible to find some common elements?

If you start looking at your problems, and then look at other people’s problems, would you be able to find similarities? I am sure you would find some. With diligence and perseverance you would find more. Looking at your own relationship and then looking at other people’s relationship you should find some common threads.

Most experts would tell you most relationship problems come from money, children and infidelity. That is what it would seem to be. But it is much deeper than that. Let’s examine each individually.

Why would money be a problem? Didn’t the marriage vow say for better for worse? So now it is on the worse side, couldn’t couples get their heads together and figure out a plan? It is because each is looking out his/her own interest. The woman must have her clothing and accessories budget. The man must have his SUV. Maybe the one who’s cooking does not want to cook so much and want to eat out certain nights of the week. Even worse, maybe one of the couple must have a decent size house and will not downsize.

By now you can see it is all about self. Moving along let’s see why children would be the problem. Since time immemorial couples would argue about how to raise children. Each would have his/her own idea that is irreconcilable with the other party. Each has the ideal vision of what the child should be like. But it is seldom considered to find out what the child would want to be. Again it is all about self.

It is bad enough to hold a selfish view of what a child should be like, to hold a selfish view of what your partner should be like is just trouble in the making. If you don’t see the ideal person in your partner then you will "conveniently" meet a person that seems to fit your ideals. Not knowing any better you would get into an affair. And you know very well what an affair does to a relationship.

Many relationships had ended because the parties involved did not know the root causes. If when the next time you run into a relationship problem – stop and think – is it all about myself, are my ideas really the correct ones? Be not so hasty to get into a conflict, stand back and reflect. See what mistakes you are making.

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